I could hear the two of you laughing from downstairs, so I came up to see what was going on. I loved finding you snuggled together just enjoying a lazy morning. These are precious days.
There are days when I see you playing and I long for that feeling again; a feeling completely free of worry, a carefree feeling with no stress, no burdens, no pressures, a feeling of living completely in the moment. Yes, sometimes, I long for that.
Trials of life will not go away while we live here on Earth. Our lives are filled with hurts and struggles that define who we are. Disappointment happens. People let us down. We let each other down. We work hard, as we have commitments and jobs. We have responsibilities we must fulfill. We can let all of this completely encompass us or we can experience a beautiful freedom.
That freedom is one we can only know through following Christ. In Andy Stanley’s Follow study, he describes “a faith so big it overwhelms and shadows all fear.” He asked, “What would I do in light of what is going on in my life, IF I am absolutely confident God is always with me?” I couldn't help but really think about this. If I am truly following Him and know His amazing love for me; then, why don’t I live like it? Why do I let circumstances around me affect how I live? I should live daily, with the same freedom I see in my children. I should set my burdens, my weariness and my fears at His feet and trust.
My continued prayer is to not only believe this, but to live it. To let go and experience a life that is fully in Him. I am thankful that I can have this freedom through Him and that I can know this peace. There is no greater gift than His love.
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
Tonight at church we helped pack boxes to send across the world for Operation Christmas Child. I loved seeing all three of you so excited to bring these children love and hope. It was such an amazing time working on this project.
I notice that when our schedule gets too full, my whole demeanor can change. When I forget to give my days to God and try to do them on my own, I find myself stressed out and grumpy. Last Friday, was one of those days. It had been a long week filled with unusually busy days and unexpected changes from our normal routine. Many things had built up and I found myself impatient, using an unkind tone, and bulldozing through our home. And then there was this moment. I don’t know what happened prior to it, I don’t know what either of us said, but we both broke into laughter. We stopped what we were both doing and just enjoyed this time. It changed the whole day and was just what I needed to reset. I am thankful for the gift of laughter. I am so grateful that God created this way to revive our soul.
A love that reminds me to make every day count. Each day we are given with our loved ones is a gift. Never let our love go unknown or unspoken.
Today, you were playing with your cousin Cha Cha when Aunt BB stopped by unexpectedly. I was super excited to see her; I always love whenever we get time to visit. I noticed immediately that you began to act in an unkind way to your other cousin. In your own words, you explained that you were already playing with Cha Cha and wanted to play with her alone. You didn't want to share. I explained that this wasn't a nice behavior and I apologized to Aunt BB. I was embarrassed and disappointed that your heart was so selfish at this moment.
It didn't take long before all three of you were playing and the conflict was behind us, but I have thought about that afternoon a lot. It really bothered me that you would act so unwelcoming. I never want anyone to feel left out or hurt because of your behavior.
This weekend as I was thinking about that afternoon, I came across a post by Lisa-Jo Baker entitled How To Get Over Cliques and Get Real Community. In her article, Lisa-Jo discusses how as women we often want nothing more than to be needed and invited in by other women. She shares how we often feel left out and not a part of the inner circle.
She shared this quote from C. S. Lewis. “The quest of the Inner Ring will break your hearts unless you break it.”
Lisa-Jo continues, “But friend, just blink. Blink and see that it’s a mirage. The illusion that there’s an inner circle we've been left out of; the lie that we've been left out on purpose. We’re built for friendship, yes. We have community in our bones. And when we’re desperate and blinded by the taunting mirage of the inner circle we will end up drinking the sand- angry, gritty, bitter and confused. We can fight to find a way in or we can love on the women where we’re at. We can obsess over who didn't talk to us or we can focus on the woman we’re talking to. We can keep looking for a seat at a more popular table or we can pass the bread basket and an introduction to the women sitting right where we already are. Everyone is on the outside of something. But that is only half the story. We are all on the inside of something often without even realizing it. Do you see? Blink. Do you see them? Your people. Look around. Wipe the mirage out of your eyes. Now, who do you see?”
As I read this, I thought about you, only 5, unknowingly creating your own “inner circle” of sorts and how damaging these behaviors can be the older we become. I thought about the many times I have felt left out of one “inner circle” or another. And then I realized all the times I have unintentionally left others out as well. Who haven’t I seen?
I really want you and your sister to grow into women that can be confident right where you are. Women, not seeking the inner circle, but loving everyone around them. There wasn't anything wrong with your desire for one on one time with Cha Cha, but Christ’s desire is for us to love all of those around us, not a select few, at a select time. This is a reminder to me to open my heart to each woman God has placed in my life right now. It is a reminder to me, the next time I feel left out, to stop and see who is already sitting next to me.
I found this mess this morning. You stayed up late working on your Awana project. You love to attend Awana each week and you have grown so much in your knowledge of scripture through your time there. It really is such a blessing.
You were heading out to play with some of your friends when I saw you coming down the stairwell with your soccer ball in hand. This is you right now; always with your ball.
Your first fall soccer season ended today. You loved getting to play with two of your cousins and we all loved watching the three of you on the field.
A few weeks ago, I decided to order Holi powder so you could have your own color war by the lake. It was so fun to watch you together; laughing, screaming and painting one another in bright colors.
As most mothers, I am grateful when I see y'all having fun together, and most of the time you do enjoy being together. You really are each other’s best friends, but the reality of life, with multiple children, is that there is also conflict. Big Sissy and Bubby, two and a half years apart, can be very competitive. Your battles have become a valuable lesson in our home about grace.
I love these words by Bob Goff, “Grace doesn't seem fair until you need some.” Often times, you will tattle on each other, pointing out mistakes or misbehavior; almost as if you want to see your sibling get into trouble. Yet, when the situation is turned around you see how hurtful this can be. We explain that God wants us to encourage one another, not seek out each other’s faults. He is the ultimate example of grace. I want you to see how beautiful life can be when we encourage one another. I want you to know the importance of giving grace always.
This is true for both adults and children. How often do we focus on how we have been hurt or wronged? How often do we genuinely give grace and forgiveness? I know there have been times that grace was not easy to give; but I have seen how freeing it can feel to demonstrate grace and to give love, even when it is not deserved.
I cherish these moments where you are blissfully enjoying one another. On days when I find you in the midst of conflict, I am reminded of the never ending need for grace. I know that as your mother, I must demonstrate this example of grace in our home. It’s always a blessing that God will continue to work on my own behaviors, as I mother the three of you.
The time change means soccer practice is now under the lights. I wasn't sure how I would like you having soccer practice for the competitive team twice a week for two hours each night, but I have really learned to enjoy this time at the field. Not only do I love to watch you play; but it has been good for me to have time to just sit, to socialize, or to read while you practice. I've really learned to find value in the times we are just still. Time to build relationships or time to restore ourselves are both wonderful things.
So often in life when trials come my way, I let worry take over. I forget the powerful truth that God is in control. I forget to go to Him first. I start letting negativity take over my thoughts. I begin to try to search for a solution or remedy. I begin to believe in only what I can see. I know that this isn't how I should handle these difficult times, but it is often where I fall.
But, there is always something or someone that reminds me that He is always faithful and His love is never ending. That there is nothing bigger than Him. Music has been such a beautiful way for me to worship and to feel close to Him, when all seems to be wavering. I have been singing the words of It is Well, by Bethel Music continuously the last few weeks. They speak such truth. A truth I often need to be reminded of.
“Far be it from me to not believe. Even when my eyes can’t see. And this mountain that’s in front of me. Will be thrown into the midst of the sea.
Through it all, through it all. My eyes are on You. Through it all, through it all. It is well.
Through it all, through it all. My eyes are on You. It is well with me.
So let go my soul and trust in Him. The waves and wind still know His name. It is well with my soul. It is well with my soul”
I am reminded to keep my eyes on Him always. I am grateful for the reminders of His presence. I am grateful that He has given me our children as a reminder of his love and grace. I want our children to see that through all circumstances we can seek Him and find peace. These images are reminders to me to live in the moment. We can let worries and disappointments paralyze us from living fully or we can truly trust in Him and His plan. It is through His peace that we can enjoy these beautiful moments of life, even in the midst of storms and trials. I pray that we can find joy in all things.
And so I let go and trust in Him and know it is well.
There are times I think he gets lost between two sisters and seven girl cousins, but it has been so fun to watch him “come in to his own” the past year. I have loved seeing him develop his own passions and interests. He has fallen in love with the world of sports. He has such an amazing, tender heart; yet, we are starting to see him enjoy all things rough and physical.
My husband has spent countless months, accumulating to years, away from our son over his 8 short years of life. For as long as I can remember, he has preferred spending time with Mama instead of Dad. During the past few years, their relationship has grown into something special. I love seeing the two of them snuggled on the living room sofa on Saturday mornings watching ESPN's College GameDay or out on the lake together kayaking and fishing. I know a father's involvement in his son's life is critical and I'm extremely grateful to see God allowing their relationship to flourish.
It is such a blessing to see God's hands in the lives of each of our children. I am humbled daily by the intricate details of His plans.